My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
