I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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