I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
