i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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