Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
