I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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