I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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