i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
