took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
