I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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