Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
