I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
