just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Im part way to drunk.
Two words: blizzard sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
