would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
