Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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