shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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