am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
