It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
