On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
