So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
