i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
