Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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