Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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