sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
