i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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