arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
