hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
