we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
