you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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