So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
