if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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