if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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