I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
