I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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