the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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