Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
