paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
