literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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