i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
