So drunk its hurt
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
