I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
