We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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