hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
