I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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