Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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