Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
