Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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