I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
