She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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