Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
