Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
