What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
