I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
