Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
