My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
