go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
