Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize