What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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