so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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