Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Randomize
