My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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