I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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