i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
