I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
