all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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