I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
