Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
