you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize