I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
