To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
