Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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