did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
