Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize