For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
