ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
