everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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